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Part 25: HOUSE ARREST
While Vaalhest had enjoyed the dinner theatre that was Maira’s duel, they agreed that she should not be permitted back into the care of House Bounder until someone figured out what should be done with her. Thus, she and her crew had been placed under house arrest in the dormitories of House Shields-Upon-The-Wall, to which Sverre had generously donated a wing towards the cause. They had been split up, though Maira was not sure of the reasoning behind it; Ham and Lance had been set apart in a different room, a guard posted outside their door, whilst she and Wilde had been kept in their own room along with Cad and Cynan.
It was a nice room, light and airy. The sky had vanished into night and it was now lit by an ampoule of light, suspended up high in a chandelier. They had a green chaise and a pink bed and a dining set of deep oak which didn’t look like it belonged with either, and a writing desk set by the window which no one in the room felt like using, at present; Maira got the sense that the dust covers had only just been pulled off these things. She had cracked the door and peered out earlier: two burly guards in the half-plate of House Shields stood at the door, and at the sound both had turned to look, though more with curiosity than malice.
‘I think we’re here for an extended stay,’ she said eventually, lying back on the chaise and staring at the ceiling.
‘I suspect it won’t be long,’ Cad said. ‘You’ve just humiliated the ultimate authority of the fortress in a duel; either she’s going to wheel you out for execution within the hour, or revolution is imminent and the pieces are sorting themselves on the board before their final push.’
Maira screwed up her face.
‘That’s not promising,’ she groaned. ‘I was really hoping to barter a couple contracts before I was run outta town; can you really not wrangle our way outta here, Cad?’
They had left a tea set in the room, and one of the guards had even given them a kettle of hot water. Cad poured some dry leaves into the teapot and shrugged.
‘I could try offering you up right now,’ he said, ‘but I suspect that will only interrupt whatever preparations they are making.’
‘Why the four of us?’ Wilde asked. Maira turned to her. She was perched on the edge of a large bed, bouncing her leg and staring at the flagstones; she had tried lying back but had gotten lost in the depths of downy feathers and soft furnishings, it felt suffocating.
‘You and me, I get,’ she said. ‘I kinda caused that whole mess, and you stepped to my defence; why Cad? And why Cynan?’ Maira threw her hands up, clueless; Cad shook his head gently and Cynan smiled grimly.
‘I suspect,’ Cynan said eventually, ‘they’re setting up to make an example of us.’
‘They’re going to kill you?’ Wilde asked. Cad chuckled.
‘Wouldn’t be the first time they’ve tried,’ he said, placing a strainer over a teacup and poured himself some tea. ‘And they can’t just kill Cynan; they won’t be able to get enough spears, especially not after this!’
‘Oh, so what are we worrying about?’ Maira deadpanned. ‘Either we’ll all be killed or we’ll be paraded to the ship and ringed with garlands!’ Cynan laughed and leaned back against the table; Cad shot a glare at his back as the movement knocked his cup.
‘Well you’re right about one thing,’ Cynan said. ‘There’s no use worrying about it; either way, we won’t know what’s happening until they come and get us. We might as well relax.’ Maira stood and paced, hands balled up into fists. She stared at the door and groaned.
‘I hate not knowing!’ she cried. ‘They can kill us or chase us out, but by the damned Stars can’t they just get it over with?’
‘I have a question,’ Wilde said. Maira glanced back at her, and she asked, ‘what’s tincture of Venus?’
The room froze. Cad’s eyes were locked to Maira, who was locked in a wide-eyed, fearful stare with Wilde. Cynan’s eyebrow arched.
‘Interesting,’ Cynan said eventually. ‘Where did you hear of that, child?’
‘Maira and Cad were discussing it in my room yesterday,’ Wilde said. ‘I was asleep – well, kind of awake but not properly – and they started talking about it and I thought it’d be awkward if I tried to say anything so I just lay there and listened.’
‘This doesn’t leave this room,’ Maira hissed, glaring at all three of them with such intensity that Wilde shrank back.
‘I’m sorry!’ she murmured. Maira stared into her wide, apologetic eyes, and groaned.
‘Cat’s out of the bag now,’ Cad remarked brightly. ‘You know my thoughts on this Maira – and I assure you, you have the full confidence of the room.’
Maira sat heavily on the chaise, crossing her arms.
‘No,’ she said. ‘You’re the Doctor, Cad; you explain it.’ Cad shrugged. He pulled the leather case from his jacket and opened it up.
‘It’s a medicine,’ he said, showing off the blood red liquid. ‘Others crudely call it girl juice-‘ his eyes flickered to Maira, and he continued. ‘People take it when they want to appear more feminine.’
‘Oh,’ Wilde said. She turned to Maira. ‘Is that why you take it?’ she asked. Maira stared straight ahead, jaw clenched, breathing heavily.
‘I don’t have to answer that,’ she said eventually, strained. Cynan rolled his eyes.
‘People take it for many reasons,’ he explained. ‘For Cannibals, gender is less a barrier to work and worth than in human lands, and many of us take it to shape our bodies as we wish, and to gain the characteristics we want. Humans have many hang-ups about gender – there are strict gender roles, work is divided and defined – even valued – by the gender of the people who do it, and women are often relegated to the household! So some humans take tincture of Venus to live in the half of society they would prefer. Or, like your captain-‘ and here he gestured to Maira, whose eyes widened as she made to stand- ‘they take it because they have lived in one body and it never feels like home, no matter the trappings they put upon it.’
‘You can’t just-‘ Maira began, but a stern look from Cynan silenced her.
‘Cad has not spoken about it,’ he said. ‘But I know the tells to look for. I saw them when I first met you, Maira, and I kept my discretion. But Cad clearly has knowledge of it, and Wilde’s overheard you talking about it, so no one in here is learning anything new.’ He approached Maira and crouched down to meet her eye level, and his face softened. ‘Please,’ he said quietly, ‘accept this offer of openness. We will endeavour to keep your secret.’ He looked at Cad, who nodded solemnly, and Wilde, who nodded eagerly.
Maira stared at all three of them. Then she sighed and sat back, letting her arms drop to her side. She glanced at Wilde beside her, leaned forward, and began to speak.
‘I was fifteen years old and halfway out the door when I first told my dad I didn’t feel like a boy. That all these tight suits and high cravats made me feel like I was suffocating, that I never saw myself when I looked in the mirror. I was going to take what clothes I could fit in my bag and jump on the first ship heading out, find my own way in the world. Find out who I really was.
‘He stopped me. Told me to give it a week, he’d make some enquiries. He seemed more worried about me working on some random Corpo ship than my gender – I felt like it didn’t register. In hindsight, I think he was just grappling with it in his own way; it took him decades to come to terms with it. With himself. But he did right by me, got me a berth on a ship that was juuust on the shady side of the law; the captain had flown with him years back, Dorian trusted him. Was right to trust him, he was a good captain. But I couldn’t wait to jump ship, I felt like it was another way dad was trying to control me.’
Maira took a breath and looked around, coming back to the room from her reminiscences. She sighed.
‘Anyway, after that I crewed for a few years on the Father Hand, it came up this way from time to time. I heard some Cannibal crew talking about Tincture of Venus, it sounded… scary, but good. It felt like I was standing on the edge, and if I stepped forward I’d either fall thousands of feet to the ground below, or… or I’d fly.’
‘It made you fly?’ Wilde gasped, her eyes wide. Maira made a face and shook her head.
‘No, like a metaphor! I was at a crossroads: I’d spent years hiding who I was, how I felt, and it always made me feel awkward. My body moved wrong, everything was out of proportion. I didn’t fit in with the other guys, I was shy, masculinity just seemed like a weird ritual I didn’t know the rules for! And here was a way out.
‘I got injured coming up to Vaalhest my third time, that’s how I met Cad. He seemed to get it immediately – after he set my shoulder he asked me what else was wrong. I was scared to say, but he put me at ease – he told me frankly that I looked like crap and it wasn’t just down to injury, and it all kinda… came tumbling out. I spent an hour with him, discussing it – he’d ask questions about how I felt, about the things I didn’t understand, and after that hour he gave me a vial of the Tincture.
‘He explained it simply: it’s a plant extract that changes body makeup. It makes you look more feminine. Makes you feel more feminine too – including the period cramps, which is no fun. Changes can take some time to show, but that can be mitigated with larger initial doses. Only up to a point, though; the plant it’s extracted from is poisonous, too much will kill a person.’
‘What did you do?’ Wilde asked. Maira glanced down at her, caught the trepidation in her eyes.
‘I took it,’ she said. ‘I disembarked at Vaalhest, stayed a week while Cad monitored me for the initial doses – standard procedure for humans, our livers aren’t as strong as Cannibal livers so the poison has more of an effect on us. But it was good for a fresh start, and I looked girl enough after that week to sign on to the next ship fresh. That was the first time I used my name with anyone but Cad – the first time someone knew me as Maira.
‘That was the Griffon Lance. Jarl Benson was first mate, he was okay; a little leery around pretty ladies, which I found kinda flattering for a couple days before it just got creepy. But the captain was a hardass who always found fault with everyone’s work, and I only stayed about a year – after that, I was jumping ships pretty often, never finding one that felt like home. Something had changed – it wasn’t just how people saw me, it was like the world had got colder. But I was better able to meet it; I didn’t take shit from the airmen, and they learned to respect that. Especially after they learned I could use a sword!’
She grinned, and Cynan chuckled.
‘Anyway,’ she continued. ‘After that I rarely spent more than a few months on any one ship. I’d sign on, get what I needed – sometimes just the money, sometimes a couple swordplay lessons from an old hand; one time I crewed with an all-woman ship, the Siren Screech, that was an education! – and hop off. It was a selfish time, maybe because I finally felt able to ask for what I needed. Maybe because I still didn’t feel right – the changes came slower after that, there were times when I’d run out of tincture and have to take the next ship going to the Dimmerlands, hoping I wouldn’t get too sick on the way. It took me another three years to start feeling whole again, and by that time the Corpo ships had taken over the light industry and it was the beginning of the end of the independent ships.’
She sat staring at her hands in her lap for some time, eyes hard and mouth set.
‘I was angry,’ she said eventually. ‘Here I was, finally feeling complete, finally starting to belong, and the Corpos were taking it all away from me. I even tried to apply for a position on a Corpo light runner, but the background checks and ID requirements were too much – I didn’t have anything in my name, it was all in my deadname and I didn’t want the hassle of trying to change all that.’
‘How did your parents find out?’ Wilde asked. Maira chuckled darkly.
‘Oh, I wrote to them during that week in Vaalhest. But I told mom during that week at home, when I was longing to escape; after one day of awkward misunderstandings between mom and dad, I just out and told her at the dinner table. She didn’t take it well – yelling at me about blasphemy and order and how could I do that to dad, and I was yelling back, and then I don’t think we spoke again until I came back for the will reading a few weeks ago.’ Maira saw tears prick Wilde’s eyes. She smiled and added, ‘don’t worry; things went better that time. She’s come around – I think she realised how much it had hurt me, and how much of her reaction was just fear. Once she thought about it – once she and dad had a chance to sit down and speak about it – she started to get it.’
‘That’s cool that they finally understood,’ Wilde said. ‘It’s sad that it couldn’t happen sooner.’ Maira shrugged, suddenly very tired.
‘It is what it is,’ she said. ‘Look, full clarity: I’m not happy with how this conversation came about.’ Wilde started, drawing away at Maira’s stern look. But Maira softened and continued, ‘but I’m glad we had it. I’m sorry for how I reacted when you asked about it.’
Wilde shrugged, clasping her hands together awkwardly.
‘I’m sorry for eavesdropping,’ she said. ‘But thanks for telling me. I’ll keep it a secret.’ Maira draped an arm around her, pulling her close.
‘I know you will, kid.’ She sighed and closed her eyes, and felt Cynan approach.
‘I’m sorry for pushing you to talk about it,’ he said. ‘But know that it comes from a place of love – I’ve been taking Tincture of Mars for decades, I know how it feels to have a body that just fits wrong.’ Maira cracked one eye to stare at him.
‘You really are a conniving bastard, Cynan,’ she said. ‘But apology accepted. You’ll fit right in with House Bounder.’ Cynan smiled softly and went to sit on the bed.
Maira didn’t get the chance to sleep before the door was thrust open. Sverre of House Shields-Upon-The-Wall entered and bowed to Maira, before taking a seat at the dining table.
‘Good news!’ he announced. ‘You’ve been absolved of all wrongdoing.’
‘So I can go back to the Bounder dorms and get some more sleep?’ Maira asked, already knowing the answer. Sverre shook his head anyway, and Maira rolled her eyes. ‘Typical!’
‘Please, Captain,’ Sverre said. ‘It’s only because I have some requests to make of you; House Shields-Upon-The-Wall is taking a greater interest in Vaalhest’s affairs of late, and we could stand to do business.’ Maira sat up slowly, a grin forming on her lips.
‘You’re here to talk contracts?’ she asked. Sverre smiled back.
‘Specifically, the provision of light,’ he said. ‘We get so few visitors who are equipped to do so these days, and the Corporate ships charge high rates. We could deal better with an… independent supplier.’ He sat back, arms spread wide. ‘So: let’s talk terms.’
‘What’s changed?’ Maira asked. ‘You were never at the head of the table for House Shields. And the Earl tried to kill my passenger for her stupid loyalty ritual.’ She sat forward, studying Sverre’s countenance. ‘The terms start here, Sverre: am I discussing business with someone who has the authority to act on his house’s behalf? Or is this the middle of a power play that’ll leave me with obligations, but no benefits?’
Sverre huffed a laugh.
‘You are too shrewd, Captain,’ he said. ‘The fact is, we are in the middle of a coup. House Shields have arrested the Earl and we are currently seeking spears for her execution – in another hour I expect to have House Eyes’ agreement.’
‘And you’re using this time to try and cement your position?’ Maira pressed. Sverre held up a gloved hand, pulling the glove off to reveal his clawed fingers, stained red with blood.
‘The blood of my father,’ he said. ‘Whatever the outcome, House Shields is under my control. House Defender is behind us, and has shown remarkable aptitude against House Supreme Authority – they are bottled up in their dorms, those who are not already dead. House Eyes resists – they quibble over the details of the arrangement, of who will be raised up in Authority’s stead – but House Bounder’s new matriarchs are arguing our case, backed up by Sancho’s… more forceful arguments.’
‘This is extraordinarily well organised,’ Cynan mused, his eyes never leaving that bloodied hand. ‘How long has this been in the works?’ Sverre shrugged.
‘About a week,’ he said, and Maira heard Cynan’s breath catch. ‘Once House Bounder heard the Fallen Star was heading our way, they pursued this course aggressively. It was only helped by Maira’s actions in the feast hall.’
All eyes turned to Cad, who sat sipping his tea. He glanced at Maira with hooded eyes.
‘I lost a good friend to the Earl,’ he said. ‘I wanted to make it right before I left.’
Maira shook her head and turned back to Sverre.
‘This is all sheets in the wind,’ she said. ‘You’re the new patriarch of House Shields-Upon-The-Wall; I’m satisfied with that. Let’s talk terms.’